How Has My World Changed Post Grief
Lessons in Loss, Love and Resilience
How Has Grief Changed You?
I’m looking for feedback from readers—your thoughts matter to me.
Please feel free to reply in the comments or message me directly at arik@arikhousley.com.
In what ways has your grief changed how you see the world, others, or yourself?
Here are some possible responses—though yours may be entirely different:
A. I have no idea
B. I’m angry with God
C. I feel like I need answers
D. I’ve been amazed at how many people care
E. I’m surprised at how many don’t
F. I feel alone and isolated in my journey
G. Other
After losing Alaina, I’ve come to understand why so many people respond to grief with anger—anger at God, the world, the offender, gun manufacturers, the government… just anger in general.
But for us, in our sorrow, we haven’t been mad. We miss her. In fact, we miss her constantly. Yet her absence has also revealed the depth of love we had—and still have—for our daughter.
I understand the need to blame. In our case, there are so many “what ifs”:
Why didn’t law enforcement recognize that the shooter was a threat?
Why did the military accept someone with clear mental instability, train him to kill, and then return him to society without continued oversight?
For me, the deeper question is:
How did he fall through so many cracks—for over two decades—without receiving the help he so clearly needed?
My friend Scarlett Lewis of Choose Love Movement often asks similar questions. How did no one see that Adam Lanza was being abused, bullied, and mistreated before he committed the Sandy Hook shooting?
We can be better—as a country, as communities, and as individuals. While we absolutely must address the issue of easy access to weapons, there’s a deeper piece we often overlook:
How do we learn to truly love, support, and care for one another?
That’s how my worldview has changed. Before losing Alaina, I probably would’ve assumed I’d be angry at the world. But instead, I’ve chosen love. And I’ve realized how much work we still have to do to build a more compassionate, connected world.
So I’ll end as I began:
How has grief changed the way you see the world, others, or yourself?
I’d truly love to hear from you—please reply below or email me directly at arik@arikhousley.com.
grief has both hardened and softened me. even though i carry that hurt every day, i can't imagine who or where i'd be otherwise. it's taken a long time, but i've become very comfortable with my grief and i'm now grateful for the capacity for feeling and love it's shown me i have.
especially in the beginning, i was frustrated that the world cared in seemingly the wrong ways. some were overbearing when i just needed space to be, some were so avoidant i perceived it as selfishness. but i also know that i was selfish in demanding care from some who just will never understand or want to be patient with me.
over the years i've found peace in knowing there are questions we aren't meant to have answers to, in every area of life. i've learned to look around me and see how many people have stuck by, whether they were here from the beginning or came into my life later. even though it hurts to think about people who distanced themselves because that was easier than sitting in grief with me, it is so comforting to know how many people i can pick up the phone and reach on the first ring when something is wrong.