Indulge me for a moment—this post might feel a bit more philosophical than usual. My hope is simply to make you think.
Many of you might remember a quote from the movie Letters to Juliet (2010), when Vanessa Redgrave’s character, Claire, reads a line from a letter that says:
“‘What’ and ‘if’ are two words as nonthreatening as words can be. But put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?”
That line has always stuck with me.
Over the years, I’ve become convinced that this life doesn’t just end here. Our bodies do, yes—but our souls? That feels different. What exactly happens, I can’t say. None of us can. But what if our time here is a gift?
A gift to marvel at the beauty of a sunset or savor the taste of a great wine with a perfect meal.
A gift to laugh until your stomach hurts in a room filled with people you love.
A gift to hear your favorite song—or better yet, belt it out at the top of your lungs.
A gift to feel the warmth of a hug, whether from your child or from a long-missed friend.
And if our time here is truly a gift, maybe even the painful moments are part of that gift. Pain makes us feel. It reminds us of what matters most. Don’t get me wrong—pain hurts. Sometimes it cuts so deep it leaves people hopeless. I’ve seen the heartbreak that can lead some to believe life is no longer worth living, that grief and anxiety will always win.
That’s why something my friend Scarlett Lewis said on my podcast shook me. (Scarlett’s son was killed at Sandy Hook.) I’ll paraphrase her thought: How did Adam Lanza, the shooter, go twenty years being bullied and abused, ignored and unnoticed—until the point where he wanted to buy a gun and kill 26 people, including 20 children at his old elementary school? How did humanity fail him so deeply that it resulted in devastating pain for so many families?
That question still lingers. And it brings me back to faith.
Faith, at its core, is simply believing. While I identify as Christian, I’ve come to see that it’s not my job to judge others. That’s not for me—it’s for God. In that spirit, I try to respect different beliefs, whether it’s someone finding their truth in the universe, Islam, or atheism. I don’t have to agree to honor their perspective.
What I do wrestle with is evil—the darkness that leads people to harm others. It’s hard not to judge that. So again I find myself asking, what if?
What if someone calls themselves Christian, but lives as a white supremacist?
What if someone is Muslim, but believes violence in the name of God is justified?
What if someone is Atheist and so insistent they are the most intelligent, they are not willing to have a conversation, as to whether God and an afterlife, universe could exist?
What if someone lives a lifestyle we don’t personally understand, but they are kind, loving, and compassionate?
Where do we draw the line? Do we only extend grace to those who believe what we believe?
I don’t pretend to have the answers. My hope is simply to provoke thought.
When my time comes to leave this body, I imagine being encompassed by love and light. But I also hope that, in some way, every human being is embraced—no matter their race, faith, orientation, or gender.
Because in the end, the things we dig in our heels over—the divisions we let separate us—are they worth losing love and connection? Sometimes the answer may be yes. But often… maybe not.
So I’ll leave you with this question:
What if?
I agree with you on "what if" because it can always be better or worse and it's how we react, right?
I have always believed to just BE KIND to all living things because a smile or a kind gesture can really turn someone's day around and give them a little hope, just for that moment. We don't know what is happening behind closed doors with people, so just show a little kindness. It's easy and free. Thank you for this Arik. It does provoke thought.
I read your post today, and I too wonder why bullying is tolerated. I never allow it not toward me or in front of me. One of my classmates recently pointed out that I always defended those being bullied. I think we need to teach this in school. Positive behavioral intervention and tools. Thank you for speaking on behalf of victims, but also why we cannot put our heads in the sand with regards to mental illness and all forms of violence.