Today, Facebook reminded me of a post from my brother Adam. It was him covering the Route 91 shooting in Las Vegas on October 1, 2017. Who could have imagined that just one year later, his niece—my daughter—would be one of the victims of Borderline?
My wife Hannah and I were talking recently about how we respond to people in casual conversation. Often, someone will ask, “Do you have any children?”
Our usual answer is: “Yes, our son is 21 years old and going to college in England.”
But as Hannah and I discussed, our answer often depends on the time and place. In an elevator, where we have 30 seconds before parting ways, it’s hard to drop our full reality. At a dinner, or in a longer conversation, it’s different. Hannah might say, “We had two children. Our son is 21 and going to college in England.” That one word—had—becomes the invitation. Some people shy away from the subject, realizing what it means. Most respond with kindness: “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
I told Hannah that I believe saying it out loud helps make this epidemic in our country more real. My response is only slightly different from hers: “We had two children. Our son is 21 and going to college in England. We lost our daughter in a mass shooting.”
It is important for people to understand: this is not uncommon anymore. And it will only become more common if we continue on the same trajectory. We MUST manifest change. We MUST demand better from our nation’s leaders.
A friend recently sent me a CBS On the Road with Steve Hartman segment. I’d seen it before, but it still resonates as someone who lost a child in a mass shooting. While it focused on families who lost children in school shootings, it still hits painfully close to home.
The Cazares family, who lost their daughter Jackie, said something powerful:
“People always say to us, ‘I can’t imagine what you’re going through.’ We need you to imagine.”
I couldn’t agree more. We MUST stop sending thoughts and prayers alone. We MUST begin forcing action—demanding positive change in our country and in our communities. Because people are still being murdered. Children in schools. Worshippers in churches. Political figures in their homes or on debate stages.
The guns in our country are a problem. But the problem runs deeper.
You should know—I woke up every night at 12:36 a.m. for nearly seven months after Alaina’s murder. That was the time we got the call on November 8, 2018.
You should know—we chose not to learn the details of her murder at Borderline. It wouldn’t change the outcome, and we didn’t want to live with the images.
You should know—the moment Alaina’s body was brought back into town, I saw my wife collapse for the first time. The world went silent, like a movie scene in slow motion.
You should know—every time I see one of Alaina’s friends graduate or get married, I feel joy for them… yet it cuts me deeply inside.
So each time there’s another shooting, another bombing, another act of violence—we MUST STOP saying “thoughts and prayers” if we don’t also intend to demand more.
So I leave you with this:
How can I help ask for more? How can I create change for OUR nation’s future?