We All Have A Story
Lessons in Loss, Love and Resilience
The phone rang at 12:36 a.m. on November 8, 2018 and my life changed forever.
When I am unknown, whether at an airport, a business meeting or a soccer conference, sometimes it can be nice. Yet it is those new found conversations with people that can sometimes throw them for a loop. Imagine standing at a convention and making small talk when the new acquaintance asks… “So do you have any children?” This is when my decision making goes into overdrive.
A) Do I say, yes, my son is 20 and living in England going to University and playing football (soccer)?
B) I had two children, my son is 20 and living in England going to University and playing football (soccer)?
C) We lost our daughter in a mass shooting in 2018, our son is 20 and living in England going to University and playing football (soccer)?
Really, my answer usually depends on time and how engaged the person is, as well if I feel they can handle what could come out of my mouth. You know, it has been an amazing journey since that November 2018 phone call. I have been blown away by the number of colleagues and/or acquaintances that have also lost children. In many ways you feel so alone, yet also not alone at all.
I titled this post “We All Have A Story” because we really do. I lost one of my best friends at 7 years old, other friends close to me at 13 and 14. My grandpa who I was very close to at 11 and multiple other tragedies through high school and my early 20’s. When unknown in a room or traveling, someone could easily look at me and think, it must be nice when they see things I have or where I live. Yet, is that how we think of others? Should I assume I am the only one that has survived immense loss? For me the answer is a resounding NO.
Not long after losing Alaina, we were gifted some acupuncture sessions. When I sat and spoke with her, she said, “Arik, I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t want to diminish anything you’ve experienced, yet I am from Israel originally and war has taken so many from my life. Just know you are not alone in this journey.” This statement did not go unheard.
Do we know what the person at that same conference (I referred to before)has been through? Are we prepared for the answer they may give? Here is an example, my friend Charlie was at a conference presenting for his company. It was only a month after Alaina’s murder and I had spoken to the room of people. After Charlie introduced himself and informed me he had lost his son and his father in a tragic car accident a few years prior. He and I have a bond, I hope many of the readers don’t experience, yet there is a kindness and empathy that we have each time we see each other.
Our grief story is different for each of us, and this grief journey takes time.
Have you ever experience loss? I am sure you have. I would love to have you email your story as it is more knowledge for my speaking and my book that is coming soon.
arik@housleyspeaks.com