Grief comes in many forms. It doesn’t always stem from losing a loved one. It can come from losing a job you’ve poured yourself into, a business you’ve built, the college acceptance you dreamed about, or the end of a relationship. Grief shows up in many shapes and sizes.
Do you feel comfortable talking about your grief?
For me, I often describe grief as a beach ball. When we lost Alaina, it was sudden, devastating, and unlike anything I could have imagined. I will never “move on,” but I can move forward. The beach ball was handed to me—thrust into my life. I can try to shove it underwater, but that takes more energy than carrying it. Even if I sit on it, the slightest shift of balance and pop—it comes bursting to the surface. The truth is, whether I hide it or hold it, I will carry that beach ball for the rest of my life.
So I’ll ask again: Do you feel comfortable talking about your grief?
Being vulnerable with others can actually help you heal. I remember a month or two after Alaina’s death, our family met with someone who was both an acupuncturist and a therapist in many ways. Afterward, I asked, “When should we come back?” She told Hannah and me to return the following week. When I asked when she wanted to see Alex, her reply stuck with me: “If you and Hannah are processing your grief and showing that you’re okay, Alex will see that and know he can be okay too.”
That moment taught me something: when I let Hannah and Alex see me struggle—when I was sad, broken, or hurting—it gave them permission to do the same. But if I pretended I was fine, they saw through it anyway, and it only discouraged openness.
It’s okay not to be okay. And it’s okay to say that out loud.
Of course, self-awareness matters. If you’re at Starbucks and the barista asks how you’re doing, maybe that’s not the best time to unpack 20 minutes of grief. But finding trusted people to share your pain with is crucial.
I recently came across a video of Simon Sinek talking about a friend who reached out with a simple text: “What are you doing?” He didn’t realize it was a cry for help until later. Now, Sinek says he and that friend have a code: “Do you have 8 minutes?” That’s their way of saying, “I need you right now.” Research suggests just eight minutes of connection can help pull someone out of a depressive spiral.
So I’ll ask you: Who in your life can give you their eight minutes? And are you at a place where you can give that to someone else? Maybe not today, and that’s okay. But maybe in the future.
When you’re struggling, know who you can turn to. And if you don’t have that person yet, seek out resources, support groups, or counselors who can help carry that weight with you.
It’s okay to talk about your grief. In fact, it’s how we process, and it’s how we move forward
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Thank you for your continued writing. I always find it helpful for many of life's challenges,.