Have there been moments of hope, meaning, or connection that stood out to you along the way?
It’s easy to say, I just want Alaina back. But that’s not reality. I miss her like crazy, just as I’m sure you miss your loved one too. And yet—because of losing Alaina—I’ve been graced with so many unexpected moments of hope, meaning, and connection. Some call this Post-Traumatic Growth.
The first spark of what later became the pay-it-forward movement through Alaina’s Voice Foundation happened just a week after Alaina’s murder. I walked into a Starbucks in Napa to order a coffee. The barista told me it had already been paid for. I had no idea who had done it. Later, I learned it was a woman who recognized me from the news. It was such a small gesture, but it changed my life forever. I went over to thank her and to ask why—and that simple act of kindness became a seed of healing and hope.
Another moment came months later during a small executive meeting. My friend Bob Anderson shared how devastated he was when he first heard the news of the Sandy Hook shooting. At that point, he didn’t know my story. After the meeting, I introduced myself, told him about Alaina, and how his words resonated with me. That was the start of a friendship that continues to this day. Without the painful reason to speak up, we may never have crossed paths in such a meaningful way.
Hope shows up in surprising places. Not long after our tragedy, I came across a post on Facebook that read like a cry for help. It seemed to carry suicidal undertones. The person—let’s call him David—was only loosely connected to me, but his words stuck with me. I reached out to a friend who is a therapist, and together we made sure David got the help he needed. Alaina’s Voice Foundation covered the costs of his therapy since he didn’t have access on his own.
It turned out David was a veteran struggling with severe PTSD. Today, thanks to treatment, he’s in a much better place and even has plans to support other veterans. I can’t help but think of how close he was to hurting himself or others—so similar to the man who killed Alaina and 11 others before taking his own life on November 7, 2018.
And so I ask you: where have you witnessed hope, connection, or meaning that has helped you through your grief?
The loss of my family over the years has taught me many things. I believe education is important to raise people up and have given scholarships to many over the past years. And the people who have been helped are so grateful that is all the thanks I need. And after my husband died he would have wanted me to be happy so I do things that help that.